the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like eating out sand paper
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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