Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
