conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
