hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
