he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So vagazzling was a success
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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