I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize