tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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