Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
