Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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