I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
