She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
