I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
