im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
