census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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