The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
