this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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