her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
