i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
