He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
