so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
