we're blogging at a bar
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
