So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
