Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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