I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
