so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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