Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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