Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
