Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
