Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Naked. naked and bneed help.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
