i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
home. puking in laundry basket.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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