Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
