is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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