My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
