A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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