I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
