And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
