Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
