and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
