just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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