Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
