So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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