Im at strip club and am horny
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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