forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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