Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
