Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
