I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
