Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
