I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
