dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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