If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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