walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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