Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
