I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
