just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
