pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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