she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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