He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
