you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
