She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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