her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my being single is dangerous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
