Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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