as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
