i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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