I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
