I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
