Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
