you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
