Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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