1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize