I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
