The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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